Ace in the Closet

qualityvanillaabsolute:

So, I still have the 5 black rings I bought all those weeks ago and then proceeded to forget to give away. I’m not quite sure how to go about giving them all away yet, but I’ll send one to the 1st person who tells me something interesting about themselves. You can reblog this, or send me an ask if you want to stay anonymous.

Uhm… interesting things… uhm… my mind has gone blank! I… play the euphonium, and crochet, if that counts? I can crochet stuffed animals! That’s interesting, right…?

Should I come out to my friends and sisters? I want to, and I was talking to my mother again and brought up the subject, and she didn’t totally reject it the way she has before— she listened to my reasoning and seemed to be a bit more accepting of the idea of coming out.

The thing is that I still feel confused, and I really, really want to be able to ask my friends about things like this (without seeming like a complete creep). Currently the only one I can really talk to, ask for explanations from and such, is my mom, and while I like talking with her and she helps as much as she can, it’s still awkward, and plus, she’s in her forties— I just need the viewpoints of someone my age. And I find myself analyzing every little thought in my head, monitoring myself to see if I’m still asexual or something, or trying to understand what it is I’m missing. I feel like if I could talk openly to my friends about this, I’d feel less confused and more at peace.

I also think my friends (and hopefully my sisters) would be accepting. We have friends who are gay (I can name three off the top of my head) and they don’t care about that, so why would my being asexual be such a big deal?

I am prepared to explain it, I think. I believe that once I explain it, they would understand and be okay with it.

Any advice on how to come out, reasons why/why not, etc?

Been wearing these colors, one a day with all on Friday, for Asexual Awareness Week :) Tomorrow: purple! Yay!

Only problem is, it doesn’t really make a difference when I wear them; no one notices, or at least doesn’t think anything of it, since they’re my school’s colors. Sigh.

You… do not understand the meaning of ‘asexual’, do you? You can choose to be celibate, if you want, which I think you mean. But you can’t choose to be asexual. Asexual people are just born that way.

(Source: katsparty)

Talked with my mother yesterday. Basically, she told me that it would have been better if I was lesbian, instead of asexual.

I know some people would be completely baffled at this… but I get it. I understand, and in some ways I agree.

I accept myself. I know that being asexual is a valid orientation, and I am grateful to have a way to identify myself (even if I thought, early on, that I was normal and everyone else was just exagerrating, but that’s another point). But I realize that being asexual, it will be hard to find someone who cares enough about me to look past that.

I pretty much got the idea that she thinks that since I’m asexual, I’m probably going to be alone. She said she would rather I was lesbian because she doesn’t want me to be alone, and if it were just an issue of gender, I would still have a good chance, as good as anyone else, of finding someone to spend the rest of my life with. But according to her, sexual attraction is too much of a requirement in a relationsip, so not many guys (I’m heteroromantic) would be willing to sacrifice it. She and my dad are very accepting people, so I know that if it were a matter of choice, and i couldn’t choose just outright straight, I probably would choose to be lesbian. I wouldn’t worry that they’d hate me— she told me outright that they would never hate me— and I would still have a chance of a relationship.

Is this really what life is going to be like? I was hoping to be able to find a guy in college who would be able to accept me and love me and not care that I wasn’t sexually attracted to him, but apparently that is probably not going to happen.

Am I really going to be alone?

I’m probably being annyoing to you guys, seeing as how I only post stuff about aces or being ace… but I’m just trying to figure everything out, and hey, if you can help me, that’d be great :)

So, I’ve been looking at several ace blogs and ace comment threads and such, and I’m a little bit confused. I believe I am asexual in the dictionary definition of the word: I don’t feel sexual attraction towards anyone. I don’t see an actor (or actress, whatever) and think ‘ooh, they’re hot, I want them’ or whatever it is people think. I notice that they are pretty/handsome/asthetically pleasing, but that’s really it. I don’t feel anything.

The thing is, though, that that’s pretty much as far as my asexuality goes, I think. So many of the ace blogs say things like how they ‘just don’t want sex, ever.’ And is that truly what being asexual is? Because I wouldn’t really mind having sex, as long as I was in love with the person and married to them and knew I could absolutely trust them completely. But also I’m not sure if I’m truly like that, or if that’s just how I want to be.

I know that the “Oh, you’re young, you just can’t know yet” response from people is extremely annoying (and if it were just about feeling attraction, it definitely is) but I honestly think that that’s how I am; at seventeen, I just don’t feel like I have enough experience to truly judge how I feel about sex itself. I don’t picture myself in a sexless marriage, even if the other person was completely okay with it; I just don’t want that, even as an asexual. And I’m not sure why I feel like that.

Gah.